Building Walls
Reading
the morning news is a daily ritual of mine, but lately it has become a love-hate
relationship of sorts. My alarm rings, I press snooze one too many times, and
in an attempt to lay under my warm blankets just a few moments longer, I reach
for my smartphone. I scroll through the news, emails, weather, and whatever else
I can think of to delay getting out of bed and jumping into my
fast-paced, non-stop responsibilities as a working mom. My morning ritual of reading the
news comes with consequences, aside from just losing a few extra minutes to
enjoy my breakfast sandwich. The consequences have been the overwhelming emotional reactions
I experience before my day has truly begun. Depending on the story, I may enjoy a sense of pride,
excitement, and relief. But those moments of "comfortable emotions" have
unfortunately been occurring less in recent months. More often than not, I have
been feeling inundated with the “uncomfortable emotions” of frustration,
confusion, worry, and most of all sadness.
Throughout
history, societies have created divisions. Divisions based on privilege, skin color, spiritual beliefs, sexual
preferences, income status, and basic human identity. In animals and early
humans, this was a primal function of the brain- the constant need to assess
for safety and potential threats to our pack or tribe. Identifying an “other”
was a mode of survival and allowed groups to sustain their species. This
function did not just create, identify, and instinctually label others as a
threat, it also ensured packs created separation from the "other" as a function of the group’s survival.
But what happens when humanity and our global community evolves to where we are today in 2017? Do we still need to create labels for "our pack" and "the other,” is each group really so different at the basic level of human needs? And why does difference have to mean threatening? We are not a pack a wolves, we are no longer living in the days of the caveman…Or are we?!?
And what happens when you belong to the group identified as the other? What happens to the members of the pack when it becomes understood they are feared and labeled as a threat? And what if you, a member, become labeled as the “other” by your own pack? Or worse, by both packs? Well, like me, you can start a blog and write about that experience!
Back
to the morning newsfeed though…Occasionally I am at a loss for words and I fall
into a pattern of frustration and helplessness, a pattern that is very
familiar to those who have experienced a severed sense of belonging. In my
personal and professional experience, helplessness can be connected to the fear
and shame experienced with the constant struggle to develop a sense of
belonging. Anxiety, frustration, sadness, depression, and anger are also common
emotions that reflect our internal struggle with perceived or true helplessness. The biological and evolutionary instinctual
need to survive and belong can be very overwhelming!
Occasionally
I feel a greater sense of acceptance and peace while understanding and
respecting the functions of human psychology and biology. In those moments I
feel at peace with humanity. A well-known meditation teacher and author, Sharon
Salzberg, recently inspired me with her article (link below). She describes the
biological and evolutionary mechanisms involved with the "us versus
them" phenomenon. Salzberg details our evolutionary need for survival, which is at play each
time we identify an "other.” Our brain is working overtime to detect
threats to our safety during this instinctual experience. Similar to an animal
in nature determining if the noise heard is either a predator foraging for its
next meal, or hopefully, just another pack member frolicking at play. Salzberg
also highlights research on the brain functioning that helps us understand the region
of the brain where we experience anxiety, guilt, cravings, and rumination
(repetitive thoughts) being the same region also responsible for the need to
cling to a rigid sense of self vs other. In other words, the area of the brain
that is activated when we experience anxiety, guilt, cravings, or repetitive
and possibly obsessive thoughts, is the same area that feeds our need to
isolate, avoid, and distance ourselves from a perceived “other.” So how as a
society can we work towards connection and building bridges if we are
constantly activating our instincts and brain mechanisms to do the exact
opposite? Salzberg's believes that increased meditation and mindfulness can
allow the brain and body to lessen the intensity of the us vs. them, self vs.
other phenomenon.
Meditation
is amazing. I am aware of the benefits of meditation, however, I am also aware that many people find
it very challenging to get into a daily ritual of meditation. If the goal of
meditation is quieting the “chatter” in our mind and creating greater focus and
peacefulness, I wonder what other activities may be considered meditative? In
the last few months, I have found myself enjoying a greater sense of calm connection
to musical artists and lyrics reflecting their resilience and hope. I have
found myself drawn to reading books, both fiction and non-fiction, written about human struggle and perseverance through adversity. I am finding a sense of
healing in my own journaling and writing, dancing to loud music, practicing
yoga, playing with my silly kids, enjoying dinner dates and deep conversation with
my husband, and connecting with new and old friends. These activities
have helped heal my fearful emotions as they arise and helped nurture my secure
sense of self. While I am committed to advocacy and speaking out against hatred
and other news I find disturbing, I am equally committed to maintaining a sense
of self, engaging in calming activities, and connecting with kind people.
Connection with people and art inspires and moves my soul while lessening my own personal need for a rigid sense of self vs other.
Besides,
don’t we already have elected officials planning to build a “huge” wall? Do we,
as evolved human beings, need to create our own rigid walls of self and “other”?
Are we really able to afford building our own personal walls prohibiting
connection and compassion with others? Personally, I can not afford to
build a wall, can you?!?
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