American Born Courageous Desi

Desis for Progress, a nonprofit committed to building a stronger South Asian community, published my article "Raising Hope" Please view link here: https://medium.com/@desisforprogress/raising-hope-9df93fbb945b

We live. We love. We lose. And somewhere in between, we learn. We learn to lose. We learn to love. We learn to live. Grieving as the child of immigrants was a unique experience in some ways. We grieve deaths from the other side of the globe, unable to say goodbye to the deceased, attend services, and perform rituals meant to help us heal collectively. Grieving a family relative we rarely saw, barely knew, but still experienced a deep sense of loss to the family unit. Immigration itself is a journey in learning to cope with loss and isolation. When leaving behind a country of origin, an immigrant grieves the loss of connection, identity, belonging, trust, safety and security. And learns to grieve, cope, and accept in their new land. Recently I have lost three women who were meaningful to my life. One woman, a friend and colleague, inspired me with her work as a dedicated child trauma therapist and her love for nature and family, I was inspired by her peacefulness. One young moth...

My father immigrated to the United States in 1969 from a small village in South India. He earned a scholarship to attend college, and was offered an opportunity to complete his PhD in the United States. His marriage to my mother was arranged, based upon one condition, she would only marry him if he agreed to not remain in the US. My mother had spent 8 years of her own childhood living in rural Pennsylvania as her father, my Tata, completed his PhD. She felt fearful of the experiences her minority children might suffer growing up in this country. But alas, my sister and I were born, and they made the courageous decision to remain in the US so their girls could have access to the educational opportunities in this country. They intentionally moved to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to live near the SV temple, the first Hindu temple in the United States. This temple attracted many immigrants from India and had a growing community of traditional Hindus, all with hopes of finding a sense of c...

Autumn is my favorite season. The crunchy leaves and crisp cool air refresh my mind and body after a long, humid summer. I run through a beautiful trail enjoying the trees, the silence, only hearing the sounds of the flowing creek. This is a meaningful place of peace that I run through often. But today, I come to a stop, I am taken by the beauty of nature. Natural beauty in an untouched space. Among the various shades of greens and browns that spread for miles in all directions sits a bright yellow flower. A single stem. Shining yellow. In a vast green forest. I am surprised, then amazed, then inspired. Inspired to write. Why do I write? Why this blog? Why this title? Why now? I have asked myself the same questions. Writing is personal, writing is raw, writing is vulnerable, writing feels scary. But writing is a challenge, a challenge to be authentic, to be human, a challenge to sit with vulnerability, to challenge my fears, my doubts, my nagging thoughts of "what will people th...

I believe in healing. I believe humans possess an ability to heal. To heal the heart and to heal the soul. I believe they have the courage to heal. The courage to survive. But I also believe humans suffer. Life is painful so therefore we suffer. Some suffer briefly. Some suffer longer. Some suffer through generations. I am certain we all suffer. As a therapist, I witness suffering. It is then that I am also witness to courage. To the struggle to survive. But how do we heal our suffering? How has suffering impacted, or even shaped, your beliefs, thoughts, mood, reactions, and connections? And how do we heal when our suffering leads us to feel helpless or fearful? Fear, our brain’s attempt to survive perceived threat, when overwhelmed, can prolong our suffering and inhibit our healing process. I believe we are a world in need of healing. In need of connection. But how do we move towards healing and connection while overwhelmed with fears and perceived threats? Mindfulness is o...

It’s early afternoon on a rainy weekday, little one is napping (hopefully!) and big one is laying on the couch in cozy pajamas for a third day in a row. This sounds like a lovely scene taken straight from the motherhood book of fantasies, however one major exception: big one is sick…again. Life as a mother of a child with a chronic health issue has been exhausting. And unpredictable. My son is now almost six years old, so we’ve had many years to adjust to this life of unpredictability. Six years ago, I had a difficult health condition during my first son’s pregnancy, therefore his labor and delivery became very complicated and traumatic. He was born with mild medical needs from day one. We struggled with stabilizing his health in those first months, as I silently fought hard against postpartum depression. We thought his health was stabilizing, but by month four, he was diagnosed with a serious illness that changed the course of his life. For the next two years, my son and I wo...

Reading the morning news is a daily ritual of mine, but lately it has become a love-hate relationship of sorts. My alarm rings, I press snooze one too many times, and in an attempt to lay under my warm blankets just a few moments longer, I reach for my smartphone. I scroll through the news, emails, weather, and whatever else I can think of to delay getting out of bed and jumping into my fast-paced, non-stop responsibilities as a working mom. My morning ritual of reading the news comes with consequences, aside from just losing a few extra minutes to enjoy my breakfast sandwich. The consequences have been the overwhelming emotional reactions I experience before my day has truly begun. Depending on the story, I may enjoy a sense of pride, excitement, and relief. But those moments of "comfortable emotions" have unfortunately been occurring less in recent months. More often than not, I have been feeling inundated with the “uncomfortable emotions” of frustration, confusion, worry...