The Belonging Longing
Close your eyes... take a deep breath... and try to
remember the last time you believed you truly belonged... a time when you knew you
fit in, and felt accepted, just as you are.
Were you with someone? A parent, grandparent, caregiver, sibling, cousin, friend, teacher, minister, therapist, or beloved pet?
Where were you? In a favorite place? Your home, your car, yoga class, the beach, the mountains?
Does this exercise bring a smile to your face? A sense of warmth, comfort, and security throughout your body? Or do you find yourself in tears, experiencing pain and hopelessness?
This is a guided meditation I use in therapeutic workshops to create awareness of our human need for belonging and connection. Tara Brach, an author, therapist and meditation teacher, often discusses the distressful experience of severed belonging, when one perceives a loss in acceptance and connection to others. Belonging, acceptance, and connection are some of our most basic human psychological needs according to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. A lost sense of belonging may lead to increased feelings of insecurity and anxiety. Personally, I can recall childhood experiences in which I felt I did not belong in any group. I felt caught between two very separate identities and struggled to fit into the norms of those groups. As an American adolescent socializing with peers at school in a white Christian midwestern suburb, I was convinced that I was not "American enough." And when spending time with extended family and our Indian community, I was the pious daughter of traditional Hindu immigrants, yet still not "Indian enough." This frequent self-doubt and lack of self-acceptance as I shuffled back and forth between identities was quite an exhausting balancing act!
During my therapeutic workshops the above guided exercise can lead to reactions of pain, hopelessness, and grief for many individuals from minority backgrounds. Individuals share memories of lost connection and questioned self-identity. Through listening and validating, we work towards heartfelt sharing as we make the painful realization that this sense of belonging is an unmet human need, and perhaps the missing piece to the puzzle we’ve been searching for. This reflection and discovery process is an intense awakening I am privileged to witness. On a professional level, I believe this is a therapeutic milestone on an individual’s journey towards healing. On a personal level, I understand the rugged terrain, the courage needed to build awareness, identify obstacles, and make new connections to create the life we deserve.
In addition to individual therapy, I facilitate workshops to larger groups. Workshops are an affordable option compared to individual sessions. Workshops may also be a less stigmatizing approach to seeking help since individual therapy is considered taboo or misunderstood within many cultural groups. Once a month, I offer a support group for immigrants and first generations in need of emotional healing, specifically those looking to reduce fear and isolation by creating healthy connections and improving their coping skills. I also offer a women's wellness workshop series, a group designed to improve stress management skills. This group is a safe place for women to share relationship concerns, work stressors, childhood experiences, and express their worries and guilt. Past attendees have reported enjoying building their self-awareness, learning new coping skills, and connecting with other women with whom they can relate.
My work’s mission is to support individuals on their path towards emotional healing, and I believe one important step on that path is reducing isolation and creating a sense of belonging through connections. Brene Brown states, “connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment." In this era of judgment and fears, minority communities need a safe place to heal, and I believe one gift I can share in these fearful times is help along the courageous path towards belonging and connection.
Were you with someone? A parent, grandparent, caregiver, sibling, cousin, friend, teacher, minister, therapist, or beloved pet?
Where were you? In a favorite place? Your home, your car, yoga class, the beach, the mountains?
Does this exercise bring a smile to your face? A sense of warmth, comfort, and security throughout your body? Or do you find yourself in tears, experiencing pain and hopelessness?
This is a guided meditation I use in therapeutic workshops to create awareness of our human need for belonging and connection. Tara Brach, an author, therapist and meditation teacher, often discusses the distressful experience of severed belonging, when one perceives a loss in acceptance and connection to others. Belonging, acceptance, and connection are some of our most basic human psychological needs according to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. A lost sense of belonging may lead to increased feelings of insecurity and anxiety. Personally, I can recall childhood experiences in which I felt I did not belong in any group. I felt caught between two very separate identities and struggled to fit into the norms of those groups. As an American adolescent socializing with peers at school in a white Christian midwestern suburb, I was convinced that I was not "American enough." And when spending time with extended family and our Indian community, I was the pious daughter of traditional Hindu immigrants, yet still not "Indian enough." This frequent self-doubt and lack of self-acceptance as I shuffled back and forth between identities was quite an exhausting balancing act!
During my therapeutic workshops the above guided exercise can lead to reactions of pain, hopelessness, and grief for many individuals from minority backgrounds. Individuals share memories of lost connection and questioned self-identity. Through listening and validating, we work towards heartfelt sharing as we make the painful realization that this sense of belonging is an unmet human need, and perhaps the missing piece to the puzzle we’ve been searching for. This reflection and discovery process is an intense awakening I am privileged to witness. On a professional level, I believe this is a therapeutic milestone on an individual’s journey towards healing. On a personal level, I understand the rugged terrain, the courage needed to build awareness, identify obstacles, and make new connections to create the life we deserve.
In addition to individual therapy, I facilitate workshops to larger groups. Workshops are an affordable option compared to individual sessions. Workshops may also be a less stigmatizing approach to seeking help since individual therapy is considered taboo or misunderstood within many cultural groups. Once a month, I offer a support group for immigrants and first generations in need of emotional healing, specifically those looking to reduce fear and isolation by creating healthy connections and improving their coping skills. I also offer a women's wellness workshop series, a group designed to improve stress management skills. This group is a safe place for women to share relationship concerns, work stressors, childhood experiences, and express their worries and guilt. Past attendees have reported enjoying building their self-awareness, learning new coping skills, and connecting with other women with whom they can relate.
My work’s mission is to support individuals on their path towards emotional healing, and I believe one important step on that path is reducing isolation and creating a sense of belonging through connections. Brene Brown states, “connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment." In this era of judgment and fears, minority communities need a safe place to heal, and I believe one gift I can share in these fearful times is help along the courageous path towards belonging and connection.
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